April 12, 2009

A Life Imagined

If you had asked me a year ago where I pictured myself now, I would have told you everyone's perfect fantasy. I would have told you that I would be really, truly happy. All of my family, not just the immediate, got along, still. And, I would still be Mormon. My sister would have been baptized into the church, and we would still believe.

I would have told you all of this, and I would have then told you all the places that I would have not imagined doing. For example, I would have said that I did not picture myself falling so hard for a boy. I didn't imagine myself having this blog, nonetheless people, some that are total strangers, taking the time to read it. I did not imagine having such a great support system. I did not imagine myself knowing so many wonderful people.

And, most importantly, I did not imagine myself sitting front-and-center at my sister's Catholic baptism.

Sitting there for a four hour mass was strange, even for me. When my family was still Mormon, I imagined that my sister, like me, would be baptized into the church. My mind held no other options. She would be fully "dunked" into the baptismal fount, and she would come out a new member of the church.

The Mormon church.

As my sister was called forward to be baptized into the Catholic church, I started to cry. I was not the only one, and I was glad. Her actual baptism lasted a short amount of time, and it was beautiful and perfect. When the priest said those words that officially made her a member of the Catholic church, I got the chills, which is something that does not happen very often.

I started to cry once again.

If you were to ask me where I picture myself in a year from now, I would have some kind of image, some fantasy in my head. But, I wouldn't know for sure.

Because right here, right now, this was not my fantasy. I didn't ask for this. I wanted everything to be perfect.

And it's not.

It's not perfect because we change, we evolve.

Our physical bodies change, our minds change. Our attitudes change.

So, in a year from now, I don't want that much. The things I want, they are all possible, with just a little (or a lot) of work.

In a year from now, I would like to be content.

I would like to be a better writer.

I would like to be a better person.

I would like to be myself.

I would like to achieve the impossible.

Exactly what is the impossible?

I don't know.

Maybe it's different for you than it is for me.

Maybe it is to find my spice, or continue to live a meat-free lifestyle.

I will try my best to accomplish these things by practice.

I will be motivated, somehow.

And, maybe, just maybe, I will have achieved the impossible next year.



Sarah :) said...

That was a beautiful post!
So many things happen in a year, it's hard to imagine. How do you fit so many things into such a short amount of time!?
Life never quite goes the way we plans, sometimes for the better but most of the time not. Keep on living it to it's fullest though, and you can enjoy the good times that much more. :)

Nikki said...

awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww, thanks sooooooooooooooooooooooooo much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

Nikki said...

I absolutely LOVE your blog. It's so amazing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D :D

Tamara @ Watching the Grass Grow said...

Thank you for visiting my blog and commenting--it's always great to see new people. I probably owe your presence there to Sarah:), if I'm guessing right.

Wonderful post--now I'm really curious about the year in between and what brought you to this milestone, so I'll be back to read more.

TeeTee said...

As usual, all of your comments make me blush!

Sarah:)-Thank you, and you're right. So many things happen in a year, and it is wonderful and scary at the same time.

Nikki- Thank you!

Tamara- You're welcome. Yes, I was referred to your blog through Sarah:). I should be posting more about this milestone soon, because it is a long story.