Every Sunday, my family and I head to church. Everything we do is the same, and even though there is a different reading from the Bible, it is almost the same. I also think and do the same thing every Sunday.
Normally when people talk about religion and God, they think positively and their thoughts are relatively hopeful, because God gives a lot of people hope.
But, I am not normal.
When I got to church, I do listen, but I think of dying. I think of the afterlife. I think of our true purpose here on this planet.
And, most of all, I think of one question.
If I died, who would come to my funeral?
It is a question that I have been pondering on for many months and I truly have been wondering who would actually come. And no, I am not looking for pity, or for someone to comment and say, "Oh, I would go to your funeral."
Because chances are you wouldn't.
I recently read this book where a girl gets raped and killed. She goes to heaven, and she keeps tabs on all of her family. She sees how many people go to her funeral, and some of her best friends don't. Some of her family does not even go to her funeral, and they are her family. The person who killed her did, though.
I wonder who would actually attend.
Would my teachers?
Would my friends?
Would my family?
Maybe, but maybe it would be to painful for them to watch.
Would my school have a funeral for me?
Maybe, if I left my imprint.
Would any of the boys from my school attend my funeral?
Would people cry?
Would my mom, since she knows almost everything about me, tell everyone what I really thought about them?
Would she tell that guy I think is very adorable what I actually thought about him?
Maybe it would be to painful for her to talk about me with some of my friends, or maybe it would help her.
Would people regret saying and doing things to me?
Would that person who thought I was cute asked me out, if he knew he would be attending my funeral the day he wanted to go see a movie with me?
If ten years passed, would people remember me?
Would I have done enough good and left an imprint so great on this world that they would always remember me?
I'm asking a lot of questions, because naturally I am curious. I wonder what the answers would be. I started to ask some people today, but they thought I was kidding. I told them I was being serious, and they then asked me if I was planning on killing myself soon.
No, I would never do something so dumb.
I guess I should never say never, by why would you end your own life?
Maybe if you weren't happy with the life that you were given.
But, I don't want to get into suicide, and besides, I have already talked about it here.
I do want people to think before they do things, and I will try to do it more, because you never know if you just might be attending their funeral tomorrow.
And, I am going to try to leave a bigger imprint on this world. I am going to better myself.
If you did not read this post yet, I am being 100% serious. This is not an April Fools joke, because I do not like those. I understand that the timing was really bad, but it just came. And, just to remind you, I am not looking for pity.
And, I am not suicidal. Like I have said before, I am honestly wondering some of these things, and I have a feeling that something very dramatic will be happening in the next couple of days. You may or may not think that I am crazy, but I just get these "feelings" sometimes.