June 7, 2009

Bee Yourself

Every few months or so, my school hosts a dance. Almost all of my friends attend--boys and girls included. I'll skip over the finer details, for those are boring. 

After every single dance, I fall into a state of depression. The first time it happened, I didn't know what was going on... it was all very confusing. Then, after the second time it happened, I finally realized what was happening. 

And I know exactly why I get depressed after dances, and exactly who is responsible. 

After this dance though, I was even more depressed than normal... because someone said something that was just really stupid. I know not to take it to heart, but I still do. Whenever it gets silent, her words echo in my ears. 

I am trying to ignore it.

But, in the meantime, I am busy with getting happy again. It takes some time, a lot of acting, and some lying to myself. But, since we are all being honest here... I will no longer be lying to myself. Today I busied myself with blog banners and html code, and rain.

And I started a new blog. 

It is a diary, and I am the only one who can read it, for now. I may open it for other people, but I need someplace to store some of my real thoughts, because I want to be able to go back and remember things. 

*There were no html edits this time,
but there may be some in the future. 
I know this post was horrible,
but I needed to say something,
express myself somehow.
And "bee" is not misspelled.


Jessica♥ said...

My blog is my diary. I maded it so when I get older I can look back and see what life was like when i was a teenager. =]

TRICIA @boutellefamilyzoo said...

Hi Tee Tee.
I don't think your post was boring. I think it was honest, and that's very brave. Growing up is hard. It stays hard for awhile. Heck, it's still hard for me and I have kids. Sometimes finding your path is a long process, but finding yourself, knowing yourself and trusting yourself is the fastest way there. I'd say you have a darn good start going here.
Plus, remember this; a lot of those kids who were nasty and rude as a teenager are still gonna be nasty and rude in 15 years. Some of them won't be, but believe me when I say that by then it won't matter. I dare say that many of them will be unhappy and lonely. Maybe they are now.
You just need to find your path and try to ignore those annoying, nasty bumps in the road.
Have a great week, Tee Tee!

...love Maegan said...

awe, don't be sad! Whomever hurt you is the one with the problem. not you :) I love that photo! it's beautiful and freeeeeeeee

amy@flyingakite.blogspot.com said...

You are brilliant, and not alone with your depression. Depression can come in stages, and can shock you and leave you feeling sore. Honesty, and talking through the despair is the healthiest and kindest thing for you. When you hide it, or hold it in, it can get worse, it can get so big that you burst at the seams with tears, with anger, or with madness. I am happy to know, we are not alone, I am happy to know, we can face this with others.

Don't let anything someone else told you get you down. Believe in what's real. And what's real, and what matters. And do you know what matters? What matters is that you believe in your own heart, your own hands, your own head. As long as you believe in yourself, then no one can break you. My heart goes out to you.

Tamara @ Watching the Grass Grow said...

You've gotten a lot of great words of wisdom already, TeeTee. Does this person KNOW she's being a "B", or is she just stupid? In other words, is it intentional? It might sound trite, but in dealing with these situations at school, my response is usually "you have something she wishes she had," and that's generally the case. Don't let her get you down, or at least see you down. Karma's a "B" too, y'know...or so they say. :-)

Kelly said...

Whenever I read posts like this (Emily's, DBananaD's Blog sometimes and yours) I always try to think who is the culprite(Yay! A word I don't know how to spell!).

I always guess me first, becuase I can usually remember what I say the most. I ruled myself out (hope I'm right) and then onto friends. But then after this stage I'm thinking of just plan asking you. And it hits me! You don't like to be nosed in. So then I give up hope on who it was. Not the first time.

To bad you didn't have a fun time. I usually don't have a good time at the dances either. The DJ usually stinks. But what I realized juat now is even if the whole of the dance was boring, if the last 10 minutes were fun enough, the beginning wouldn't matter.

Again, it's too bad you didn't have fun at the dance. I know I sure did! We finally got a good DJ.

Did you know that 'misspelled' is the most misspelled word? At least you spelled that right!

Kelly said...

I was thinking over the dance and... Was it me and Emily when we were saying not to be dissapointed in only 1 comment?

TeeTee said...


McGlone Bunch said...

It would have been a blast if I would have been there!!! I'm right..am I right :)
Chin Up!!! Never let em see you down.
XOXO You know who.

Sarah :) said...

Other people can't control our happiness, only we can. Sure, what they say can hurt. But if we let that control our lives, they win. We can't let that happen.