Today I finished a project. It was for Girl Scouts, and we finally got it done, after months of working on it. I am happy and sad, at the same time. Finishing this project marked the end of something--and the beginning of something new, something scary.
And while we were finishing up, I was thinking.
(I always seem to do that at the wrong time... the leader thought I wasn't paying attention.)
I thought here we are again, finishing something up, and starting something new. We are all beginning a new grade, all heading into something new. Some of us are taking it seriously (like me), while others are already messing up. I am not going to mess up... I promise you that much.
I've read (and heard) about all the mistakes you can make that will mess up your future. My dad and I have spent hours and hours talking about things that I could do-- get pregnant, start drinking, start doing drugs... and the list goes on and on.
But I will not mess up. I have a plan for my life... remember?
And speaking of that fragile subject, the future, I am so scared. The other night, I was thinking about it, and I just broke down and started to cry. Something had snapped. I am scared... and nothing can stop it. No matter what anyone says, I am scared and fearful. I don't know what to expect. And I know what people might say-- we don't know what to expect either.
Well, I really don't know what to expect. So many people that I have known have died this year. So much has happened in the time that I have been alive... and it has all taught me to fear the future.
Almost everyone I know wants to grow up. They want to be something bigger-- something like teachers, photographers, scientists, veterinarians, parents, and the list goes on.
But, I don't want to be something bigger. I like where I am right now. I am making a difference, believe it or not. And I am young... and somehow, making a difference in the lives of others.
And that's okay with me. I want to stay young-- forever. I'm not scared of dying... but I want to remain young and carefree, even time after time.