July 8, 2009

Time After Time


Today I finished a project. It was for Girl Scouts, and we finally got it done, after months of working on it. I am happy and sad, at the same time. Finishing this project marked the end of something--and the beginning of something new, something scary.

And while we were finishing up, I was thinking.

(I always seem to do that at the wrong time... the leader thought I wasn't paying attention.)

I thought here we are again, finishing something up, and starting something new. We are all beginning a new grade, all heading into something new. Some of us are taking it seriously (like me), while others are already messing up. I am not going to mess up... I promise you that much.

I've read (and heard) about all the mistakes you can make that will mess up your future. My dad and I have spent hours and hours talking about things that I could do-- get pregnant, start drinking, start doing drugs... and the list goes on and on.

But I will not mess up. I have a plan for my life... remember?

And speaking of that fragile subject, the future, I am so scared. The other night, I was thinking about it, and I just broke down and started to cry. Something had snapped. I am scared... and nothing can stop it. No matter what anyone says, I am scared and fearful. I don't know what to expect. And I know what people might say-- we don't know what to expect either.

Well, I really don't know what to expect. So many people that I have known have died this year. So much has happened in the time that I have been alive... and it has all taught me to fear the future.

Almost everyone I know wants to grow up. They want to be something bigger-- something like teachers, photographers, scientists, veterinarians, parents, and the list goes on.

But, I don't want to be something bigger. I like where I am right now. I am making a difference, believe it or not. And I am young... and somehow, making a difference in the lives of others.

And that's okay with me. I want to stay young-- forever. I'm not scared of dying... but I want to remain young and carefree, even time after time.

6 comments:

Lee said...

I agree with you. I don't want to be something big. I want to be myself, and make a difference in my own way.

Kelly said...

TeeTee,
You are so inspirational and kind, and... good at writing!

You say exactly what you want to say (I hope)and it makes sense. You got your point across and inspired the reader.

Love you,
Your Sister

cgw @ accidentally, kle said...

love that piccie! x

Tamara @ Watching the Grass Grow said...

You will always be young and carefree, no matter how old you are chronologically. It's "in" you. Don't be scared--it's when you stop loving life and start seeing the bad side of things that you need to worry.

Tamara @ Watching the Grass Grow said...

You will always be young and carefree, no matter how old you are chronologically. It's "in" you. Don't be scared--it's when you stop loving life and start seeing the bad side of things that you need to worry.

marianna!? said...

this really is inspiring.
don't worry, i too am afraid of the future.
but just live your life;
appreciate it, love it.
don't waste it.
it'll turn out in the long run.

but i wish you luck!
and i'll pray for you.