January 9, 2011

i'm on my way to believing.



there has been a wild dream in my mind for a couple months now. it is a crazy fantasy, so in turn, i've really told no one about it. i think that i am scared, afraid to actually say it out loud in fear that once said, someone will immediately shoot me down. but, one of my new year's resolutions was to be more daring, so here it goes.

i want to model.

i daydream about it almost every day. i dream of wearing pretty clothes and posing in front of a camera. i know it might sound superficial, but i want it. i want it bad.

i'm not really sure what sparked it all. well, i actually have a hint, but i'm not sure of what really inspired me to think about even dreaming to model one day. there was an open shoot for the noh8 campaign in hollywood one weekend in november. i walked to my mother and announced, "there is an open shoot for this campaign that i support, and i would like to go. no, actually, i am going to go." she agreed to take me, and in the following days i read all of the guidelines, everything i ever needed to know about this shoot. i was going, that was for sure.

the week of the shoot, however, reality set in. to get your picture taken, you had to pay fifty dollars. and i also would have had to have been at the hotel at six in the morning that sunday. in the end, i decided not to go. but, the idea still lingered, in the back of my brain.

in the next couple of months, i googled everything about modeling. i googled the pros and cons, the height requirements, the weight requirements, what you would need, was experience necessary?, did you need a portfolio?, and all that sorts of stuff. it was mind boggling. it was fascinating. it was amazing, and i still wanted it.

i'm five feet, two inches tall, exactly. the height, well, that was a problem, to say the least. but i read an article that told me exactly what i wanted to hear, you could still be a model, you would have to be a catalog model, though. ironically, that is exactly what i wanted to do.

i've thought long and hard about this. i want to do this, so bad. i can't describe it to anyone, but it is a need, in a way. i need to model. and i know, i know that sometimes it is not at all as glamorous as it seems, but you know what? i want to try it, even if it's just for a little bit. and i don't want the anorexia and the bulimia, and all the nasty things that have to do with this profession. i want to have fun. i want to express myself. i want to try something new.


this night, january ninth, twenty- eleven, will be known as the night i made the decision to start the process of becoming a model.


i am going to start looking for open calls. i am going to give it my all and try my hardest. and if the profession doesn't want me? then so be it.

9 comments:

Tweedles -- that's me said...

go for your dreams
live your life
xoxoxo

Natalie said...

I think it's really awesome that you're so intent on pursuing this dream career of modeling! You definitely have the drive and determination to do it, so you probably don't even need me to tell you good luck, but I will anyway. ;) You'll definitely have to keep us updated on how any open calls that you go to go.

Tamara said...

Have fun! And let me know which pages of the catalogs to check out when it happens. Good luck!

TeeTee said...

i am sitting here literally in tears because of your comments. i cannot tell you how scared i was to actually admit this dream of mine, to myself and to others.

thank you so much for all of your support.

and i will definitely let you know about how it is going, and if i will be seen in any catalogs. but i think you all might hear it, i will probably be screaming verrrrrrry loudly if/ when it happens.

thank you. thank you. thank you.

much love,
teetee

Tricia said...

Deep within ourselves, there is a special knowledge. It tells us every now and then what it is that will really make us happy. I think we are born with it. It tells us why we are here and what we should do with our lives. Sometimes we listen to that little voice, and other times we dismiss it as a "silly dream".
Dare to Dream! Don't push what you want in your life aside as if you are not worth it. You are!
Dare to Dream! If your mind wanders to that special spot where you know what you want, go get it! If it's meant to be it will, or something even better for you will be there waiting.
Dare to Dream! When others tell you it's impossible, they are just trying to knock you down because they have dismissed their dreams and are miserable because of it. You deserve to be happy!
Dare to Dream! As you sit at work, or at home, or are in the car driving down a tree lined street, let your dream penetrate your mind when it surfaces instead of burying it beneath your worries.
Dare to Dream my friend. For in this life you are given today. This is not a dress rehearsal! It is here and now. Make it count, make it yours. Live your life feeling like you are doing what you are supposed to be doing. Where there is a will, there is a way, but you may have to be resourceful. As you reach for your dream, even though it may not turn out exactly as planned, you have reached and strived to fulfill your purpose in life- not what someone else had planned for you.
Dare to Dream! I have all the confidence and faith in the world in you. Do you have it in yourself?
Dare to Dream! Be true to yourself. If others offer assistance, take it, don't let your pride get in the way. Learn from others who are on your journey. Don't let your quest be so blinding that it prevents you from treating others with dignity and respect- including yourself. Don't ever sell yourself for a dream. If that's what it takes to achieve it, you would have sacrificed your soul, therefore the dream wasn't real.
Dare to Dream! Can you afford not to?

© Ellen M. DuBois

Follow your dream, TeeTee. They may lead you down a path you could never imagine. ♥

xo*t

Lee said...

Hi TeeTee! I've missed your blog. I hope you remember me! I revamped my blog. I think that you should pursue your dream. It could be a great thing for you!

Chloe said...

I wanted to write something inspiring but you are so inspired already, I'm not sure what to say.

I guess I'll have to settle with good luck. I believe that you can do this. You sound so determined that I know you will be able to achieve this dream.

I hope you keep us up to date on here! I'd love to know how well you're doing and what it's like etc :)

kara lynn said...

i read this earlier but i wanted to comment. and i am so excited for you!! and i want to hear all about it! and don't be scared to admit this dream. well honestly i have often been scared to admit things. a lot of things i still haven't admitted but i am so happy for you!!

Courtney B said...

This is so great!! I really hope you follow through because you will be SO happy!
Good luck and I can't wait to read more :)